IN THE MAGISTRATES' COURT OF ALEXANDRIA
Decision on the Petition of The Crown v. LukeyyyMC_ & lucaaasserole, Case 19 (Mag. Ct., 2025)
SUMMARY OF BOTH SIDES
The Crown alleges that following a sever restart of our sister nation Redmont, an influx of players led to a prime opportunity for the defendants to carry out numerous acts of murder. In turn, the defendants claimed they could not be responsible for the murders for a variety of reasons.
ON THE MATTER OF EVIDENCE
Both defendants submitted various posts during the case, though few of them were asked for. To call these filings "legal arguments" or "evidence" would be an insult to the hundreds of years of justice that have allowed Minecraft law to exist in the first place. Despite a promise from lucaaasserole to
"take this case very seriously", both defendants deployed numerous unproven allegations that the evidence submitted was fraudulent, offered to turn on one another in exchange for favorable verdicts, attempted to call upon a Minecraft developer as a surprise witness, questioned the existence of one another, openly offered bribes to a witness (one questions with what funds, considering the multiple contempt fines received during the trial), threatened to kill the same witness with their "goons", threatened to murder the former Magistrate Gribble, and, most appealingly of all, attempted to paint Gribble as "lazy". lucaaaserole even attempted a maneuver reminiscent of the courtroom antics of Lionel Hutz, albeit without the grace and lovable nature of that cad, in posing as a Chancellor in an attempt to remove the former Magistrate on falsified notions of "bias".
There is no questioning the guilt of the two defendants. Not only did the Crown provide evidence to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they had carried out these heinous acts with both chat logs and forensic data gathered by detectives, but the defendants even admitted to their crimes during the trial. The question that remains is the severity of their punishment.
ON THE MATTER OF POWER
Defendant lukeyyyMC has frequently characterized themselves as "powerful", as a man in posession of "goons", and as the leader of a "mafia". Not a shred of evidence was presented in support of this triumvirate. As an aside, the court notes a distinct lack of goons among the courtroom's many visitors, and admonishes the defendant not solely on a ridiclous dependence of stereotype, but also the poor manner in which it was performed.
Solely for the sake of lukeyyyMC's ego, this court chooses to accept this fact into the record. Defendant is a powerful man who has deployed their resources to ruin the lives of others, while satisfying his own murderous tendancies. Those with power must be held to a higher standard. Thusly, those who misuse their power must be punished to the fullest extent permitted under the law. Defendant's continual lack of respect for the institution of law and those who uphold it, as well as their blatant disregard for the lives of the victims they callously slew, demonstrate an unwillingness to repent.
Ergo, this court will show an unwillingness toward offering a lenient sentence.
DECISION
In the case of The Crown v. LukeyyyMC_ & lucaaasserole, Case 19 (Mag. Ct., 2025), I hereby find the following:
LukeyyyMC_
GUILTY of 14 counts of Murder, and 1 count of Obstruction of Justice. He is to be fined £71,000 (£5,000 per count of Murder totaling £70,000, and £1,000 per count of Obstruction of Justice) and sentenced to 850 minutes of jail (60 minutes per count of Murder, totaling 840 minutes, and 10 minutes per count of Obstruction of Justice).
lucaaasserole
GUILTY of 7 counts of Murder, and 1 count of Obstruction of Justice. He is to be fined £21,500 (£3,000 per count of Murder totaling £21,000, and £500 per count of Obstruction of Justice) and sentenced to 320 minutes of jail (45 minutes per count of Murder, totaling 315 minutes, and 5 minutes per count of Obstruction of Justice). I also order the Ministry of Justice to investigate the matter of a possible Impersonation of a Government Official.
The court thanks all involved.
So ordered,
Magistrate AmityBlamity